A Consistent Nightmare
It’s you. You always come back to me—and you’re as jarring as ever, always nearby and so vivid no matter who I am or what I’ve become: always somewhere inside even if forgotten. Following me in life much like it follows me when I find myself inside of you.
An equal part childhood, adolescent and adult nightmare: Blinding industrial lighting, watermarked ceilings, dirty floor tiles and old decors. Everything is harsh here. Walking in an infinite square staircase with one door per plateau. What could possibly be found inside? Truth and respite or exposing my misery to the world?
I seek the comfort of darkness but ponder in front of each and every door; the staircase isn’t safe, and yet I can’t seem to leave it. Sadly for me this anxiety-ridden state is all I know—and all I might have, like desperately wanting to understand but constantly forced into complete subservience.
Lost forever.
What is this vivid reality?
Why must it follow me?
And why does it feel so real?
This story is part of a collection of poems, short stories and introspective reflections of my creation, called “Grimoire of a Weirdo”.