Abandoned Places, Things I'd forgotten About

Jan 18, 2025

i can’t stick around insecure people

they just make me feel worse

gotta go on my own path

A piece from Grimoire of Something Strange III:

Violence Violence, Baby!

The orchid child, fascination, hurt and mental mutilation

It seems like too much of everything, as always. Sensitive and destructive.

The suffering, the gruesome, the viscera

A nauseating connection: I suffered with them,

I cried for that rabbit, for that steak; I was

The only one who gave a shit; I spent entire

Nights up, obsessing over them—I

Died in my vomit, in all this viscera.

It’s in my throat, in my stomach, in my heart.

And yet, I sought it all the time. Like we were fated.

I looked for the horror, the suffering,

The grisly, hiding in plain sight; even when

Others would pretend like it didn’t exist;

The roadkill, that bleeding girl who cried,

I stared into her eyes; those silent videos

I never should have seen, what’s etched into my mind.

Ever since the beginning, I found beauty in what others

Couldn’t—it’s the suffering I couldn’t stomach.

And then, the Hurt came: When I hurt so much

I couldn’t live, I sought hurt too—even when

I knew it would ruin me, and that it did.

It’s a cruel cathartic release, a mutual understanding

In our shared suffering: A sort of mental mutilation.

boredom is what leads to creativity

i don’t want to drown in external things anymore

i want to bathe in what i make

because it’s about me, not them

thank you for reading/looking at this little weekly compilation

i really appreciate you giving me the time of day,

sticking around. hope you get to live more this week ♡,

casper.

Casper's Diary