Everyone’s so Placid (And It’s Disappointing)

Sep 25, 2024

You come back into my life,

With intent and news and care;

Wondering how I’ve been,

And what my life is like now.

Because everything’s good now,

Right? We’re okay now, so how

You left me doesn’t matter at all,

Right?

That sinking feeling of destruction,

In the pit of my stomach, the pills,

And bruises all over, the vomiting

And bones sticking out; the turmoil—

It’s okay now, right? Everything is wrong, I’m

Always wrong, always bad, always gross,

And it nearly took me out when you threw

My ugliness back at me and rubbed it in.

How am I?

Yeh, you can ask all you want

But you didn’t bother to check, back

When you had cut me open; Remember

How you left me: Bitter stains under my

Tongue, disdain all over my face. You see,

Here I thought you were so big, so

Strong, so much better than me;

(Tell her I said hi!)

Here I thought I was sluggish,

Pathetic, so weak and fake, unsightly really,

So shame-ridden confrontation would’ve

Melted me into the Earth, but now all I see

Is how placid you are, so weak, running

Away, just like me—not as frightening

As I once thought you were.

Simply far too ordinary for my liking.

This story is part of a collection of poems, short stories and introspective diary entries, called “Grimoire of a Weird Person II”.

Casper's Diary