In the End
Now/Lately; 5 Things
[What will be left of me? 34]
i used to feel so personally victimized by people’s continuous disrespect;
but now i just know it’s a sign of completion in a relationship;
external proof that it’s time to let go and walk away
piece: Inner Child
A piece from Grimoire of Something Strange III:
Imaginary Friends
Walking outwards,
Greetings, sharing. Unsatisfying,
No connection, not special, no feelings,
No one likes me and puts me first—
The outside fails me once more.
The world is ugly, I have to get away.
I walk, I go somewhere pretty,
More special and intimate, more
Me; I put my headphones on,
I get lost inside, in these thoughts,
In these worlds, these scenarios:
In all this sticky, drippy, pleasurable
Internality. I’m back. Back inside.
Finally—back to me, to truth.
I’m pure again. Life is okay now.
An open door, the turn of a corner,
A secret place, something special,
Something me—and there they are!
My friends. Finally, my people are here.
I can talk and feel and share again.
We talk and it matters, and it feels good
And true: we listen and connect.
We’re deep into each other; they’re interested
In me. Then this creeping feeling pulls me back:
The only place I have true friends is inside my head.
smt i’ve been thinking of:
how do i view people showing me love? can i sit in it without squirming
can i soften
thank you for coming over
take your time every day ♡
stillness is how you access,
casper