Never Quite in It

Weekly Diary Entry

Always plagued by my projecting nature;

Can never fully indulge because it—

Because I know all too well.

I know what’s in store for me.

I know one day you’ll have changed your mind about me.

That I’ll be like those you call this or that;

That you say aren’t good enough;

That you say have changed.

I already feel that I’m not as good as you say,

Never all that smart or cute or true.

So even if you think I am good now,

I know I’ll see it faintly disappear soon.

And I know you’ll never question that—

Even if they very well have changed—

So have you. Always. You’ve changed too.

But you don’t bother to check in on yourself.

So I guess I am cute today. I’ll accept it.

Just keep looking at me like this so I remember;

I’ll indulge a bit in the feeling for now,

And let it completely tear me apart later.

This story is part of a collection of poems, short stories and introspective diary entries, called “Grimoire of a Weird Person II”.