Something Else Now

Weekly Diary Entry

Something I’ve felt but can’t embrace;

Something I can’t forgive myself for.

I’ve only had the experience of not being loved anymore.

And I’ve grown tired of pretending to be the original version to ease your spirits.

What is it about change that scares you all so much?

Everything changes forever; I am so different all the time—I feel like I’m everyone and everything. And I feel you are too, but you won’t admit it to yourself.

Do you not feel me anymore?

Do you not feel the same as you did before?

Why does what I’ve become frighten you so much?

Why can’t you just let it be? Let me be. Who I am is not yours to control.

At this point, I think maybe you never did like me. You never wanted to understand me.

I want you not to disprove but embrace me. But all you had for me was conditional love, controlling love. I want none of it anymore.

This story is part of a collection of poems, short stories and introspective diary entries, called “Grimoire of a Weird Person II”.