workshop, a familiar place and a paw
things lately
Where does inspiration and action emerge?
Relations
Enter action
Smoothly
Sensation in the space
Find a place that meant something before, and give it a new meaning.
What I wrote after:
Back to the place I used to be. To remember that part of me. And to say goodbye to him. I’m in-between again.
I bought a rose. I let it dry.
I took a picture of the city lights at night.
Then I walked the long trail, the one I used to take so often back then.
Some things are fixed now like those dangling wires but new things are broken. Not much has changed. Even if their things are different from ours.
I imagine him roaming around. How young he was back then. How young I was.
7 steps to go down. Red and brown bricks. Tents and bikes. That type of person there now, similar.
There’s this beautiful stained glass window on the 2nd floor I didn’t bother to notice, or forget, when I lived there.
Then they came out, as ostracizing as they were back then, always protecting their golden treasure without noticing the ones around them. They haven’t changed either. He looks at me funny, with suspicion in his eyes like he used to, but he doesn’t recognize me. He only recognizes fear.
Rather than get caught up in my feelings or angry or arrogant or ashamed like I did before, I just sat in it. In his dismissal. I didn’t run or make a scene. I didn’t look away.
I even took some petals and placed them around. 4 for him. My darling Dean.
I ripped the steam and planted it in the snow, to prove I’ve conquered it, to say goodbye. I wanted to cry again. I always feel like that now.
Then I realized something.
The newness I was tasked to seek, it’s not linked to the place itself at all. It’s more about how I take space. I thought: “What if I felt at home here? Rather than a forever stranger the way I usually do.”
“What if I belonged here?”
Even if they kick me out, I belong here.
Even if I feel ugly and out of place, I belong here.
In this body I belong. In this space I belong. In this life I belong.
In this place I belong. And I miss you.
with love and stars,
casper. ✮⋆˙